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from page 13: This book is based on in-depth interviews, each lasting several hours, with 300 men and women, ages 25 to 55...Just Friends has footnotes, an extensive bibliography and an index. Since it is a qualitative study, it is missing the quantitative charts and graphs.When I see that a book was published in 1985 (like this one), my brain thinks pretty recent until I count 25 years on my fingers and toes. But in most ways this book is still applicable to todays world. (OK, the author does marvel at the phone being a way to keep in touch with friends-at-a-distance, predating the use of email and video connections.)Lillian Rubin is a psychotherapist so it should not be surprising that the book leans heavily on psychoanalysis to explain human behavior. The author is right there with you as you read the book with a good deal of self-disclosure and verbatim recitations of conversations with people participating in the study.I first ran into Lillian Rubin in Worlds of Pain, a text for a social work class over 20 years ago. Her righting style is relatively conversational (albeit, a fairly elevated conversation) only slipping into lecture mode on occasion to delve into her analysis. Rubin observes that since the initial primary caregiver is a mother in most cases, a different disassociation (separation, autonomy, identity) process is present for men and women. The participation of feminism and gay awareness is throughout the book without being overdone. The author notes that gay and lesbian friendships will have to be handled in a separate book. However, some examples cited are about gay people. I note that Rubin has evidently not written that book about gay friendships in ensuing years. Consideration her frequency of self-examination, it is likely that she decided that a person with a homosexual experience would be in the best position to write that book.The book is packed with declarations of fact with the support of many, many real life examples as you would expect in a text book. Footnotes abound. She ranges from the simple concepts to the complex. A fairly straight forward simple example is that woman experience shared intimacies while men experience shared activities. For me, an example of a complex issue was the results of a male with a mother figure and a female with a mother figure with the added human complexity of a homosexual figure. As a non-fiction book, it is more demanding than the average novel. For some it may stimulate thinking, for others sleep. Every reader has some experience related to friendships, even if it is having no friends. I found that the book involved the reader especially if the reader accepted the psychoanalytical viewpoint.Maybe the subtitle of the book, The Role of Friendship in Our Lives, says it all. This is a comprehensive look at friendship through the years and under a variety of circumstances. It is not a long book. It is one that you can read in a few days and then refer back to over the years. In spite of its age since publication of 25 years, this book is remarkably readable today. Of course, if I were a college student today, I might not think much of a book like this since it is older than me.

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